Let's Just Move That Last Entry DOOOWWWWN

Eww. It's been so long since I've posted over here -- I can't believe that alli entry has been up this long. That's not at all embarrassing...



To answer your questions, yes, I quit taking that stuff the next day. Make your own deductions.



Anyway, if you have time you've got to check out this video.



NOT FOR YOUNG EARS, or old ears, for that matter.



And if you have even more time, check out Rooftop Comedy's youtube page. But be careful, you could be there all day!!

No One Needs To Know This

So I'm gonna go ahead and put it out there for the world to read. heh.



Took some of that new alli stuff right before eating McDonald's, then I read the instructions.


*praying for an "oily-free" evening*

The SECRET

There's been such buzz about "The Secret" (good and bad) -- I personally love it and what it represents, and while I think the nay-sayers' intentions are good in worrying that people will be mindless sheep just "positively thinking" their life away, I wish they'd give us a little more credit than that.

What's wrong with working hard, being a good, decent, moral person, living by The Golden Rule, and sending good intentions into the world, believing that what you put out there will be attracted back to you? It's what's been going on for ages with religion -- it's the basic principle upon which almost every single oragnized faith is based upon.

Will the producers make lots of money from the sales of the book and dvd? Probably. Will it hurt anyone if the sale of those products generates more positivity across the world?

Don't we have more than enough skepticism and negativity already?

I think so, and that's how I came up with the idea to open a new store section at chunkyrhino (ba dum bum, ching). It's called chunkykarma and it's all about sending your positive thoughts, intentions, feelings out to the world. Even if all that happens is that you make someone smile, how could it be a BAD thing? Plus, one dollar from every sale at chunkyrhino will go to Invisible Children, Inc., so you're actually doing 2 good things at once!!

BEEP

I'm so excited about this new side project I'm working on with my mom!!

She and her students have joined the Invisible Children campaign (which if you aren't familiar with, you need to stop reading this post right now and go here, then come back)

Going along with the "My heart is beeping quote", they had been brainstorming ideas, some of which mom was discussing with me. A few hours later, and voila!, a fundraiser was born!!

Her students will buy stuff, their friends will buy, YOU can buy, we'll spread the word and help some kids! Best of all, I'll be donating all proceeds from the sale of the Invisible Children products to the Invisible Children campaign.

Did I mention they make great gifts???

The Brambles

For me, every now and then there comes an author who gets it just right in the descriptive department. Eliza Minot does just that in her novel, The Brambles, describing the essence of being a mother to perfection. Not only does she hit it right on the nose, she's also very accomplished in the "beautiful language" department. This is the way words are supposed to be used!!

It's taking me a little while to finish, mostly due to the fact that by the time 11pm rolls by and I'm finally able to sit down and read, it doesn't take long before I'm nodding off. Although I do enjoy her descriptive narratives, I'm a little ready for the story to move along -- it rambles just a bit with introspective internal dialogues and memory, but I keep on, knowing that the pot of gold at the end of the rambling rainbow will be certainly be worth it.

Amy's Writing Soundtrack

Writer's Digest sent out a writing prompt recently, asking writers to list the 10 songs that inspire them while writing. Since I rarely ever actually sit down to "write", I can only dream of what my soundtrack would be. Here are just some of my fantasies:

1. I Shall Believe (Sheryl Crow)
2. Scenes from an Italian Restaurant(Billy Joel)
3. Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Pink Floyd)
4. Pachelbel, Canon in D
5. Lonely Girl (Ragweed)
6. Natural Woman (Aretha)
7. Seven Spanish Angels (Willie/Ray)
8. Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster (Ghetto Boys)
9. Dear Mama (Dear Mama)
10. Daniel (Elton John)

The actual soundtrack of my blog entries?

1. The noisiest dishwasher EVER.
2. Jim Spencer saying something about the weather.
3. Jaxson screaming.
4. Ryan singing.
5. The Doodlebops.
6. A ringing phone.
7. Coffee Maker.
8. Washing Machine shaking off it's track because I've put too much stuff in. Again.
9. Mommymommymommymommymommymommy....
10. My own voice, replying..."hang on"..."just a second"... "what??"..."I'm coming!"..."Stop yelling!"..."Don't hit your brother/sister!"..."TIME OUT!!!!"

The Ice Has Hardened Their Hearts

We're under a winter weather warning in Central Texas right now. By all accounts, this is not a time for anyone to drive unless absolutely required to by their jobs. You know, the vital occupations, like hospital workers, police officers, restaurant employees, bankers, realtors...

Hang on. What's that? Restaurant employees and bankers are NOT vital occupations? Could have fooled my husband, dad and sister. It seems the head honchos at Shawn and Ninny's respective facilities find it important, nay mandatory, that their locations be open to the, say, 5 people who actually may be retarded enough to head out in the ice to apply for a loan or stop in for some tasty barbecue. And Dad? Well, his VIP client from Cali is in town, and finds it essential to preview some of the Hill Country's icy roadways and the homes they feed.

Who says Americans don't know how to prioritize their morals and values?

Go Elf Yourself

Meet the Elf Family:

Mommy Elf

Daddy Elf

Ryan Elf

Jaxson Elf

Have an Elfin' good day!

I just needed to move that picture below the fold...

That was Amy up late. With beer.

Got lots of new books today, and all I want for Christmas is time to read them!!!

Not that any of you care, but here are some of the titles I'm planning on getting to.

Ines of My Soul

The Brambles

Jane Eyre

One Mississippi

The Lady and the Unicorn

Wish me luck!!!

Aahhhh...Back to Normal(?)

My sister has been invited to attend Sandra Bullock's NYE party this year. The other one is wary about her new guy because she's never seen him without a hat on. Both her ex's now make a habit of visiting the other sis at work.

And then there's me:

Life's just funny that way.

Home Sweet Home

That's right -- chunkyrhino is back!! C'mon over and give us a kiss.

*UPDATE* My Bad -- I messed up the URL. The link should work now.

Warning: I'm bringing the nasty.

Jax just had a massive diaper explosion (you know, from the Benadryl/Maalox combo he's on due to the recurring herpangina. I would backlink you to it, but Blogger still hasn't done shit about chunkyrhino.

I digress.

So he's sitting in his chevy and his pants are feelin' heavy, and Shawn and I have been sitting here for 20 minutes, looking back and forth at each other, both refusing to get up.

Except now some just got on the couch, so I gotta run.

Of course there was

Just went to light the fire and found an old piece of toast sitting in the ashes.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Seen & Heard

Ryan, to Menana last night while on the phone: "Menana? Could you hang up on me now and I'll call you tomorrow?" In other words? I'm done with you, bye!

Took Jax to visit Nin at her bank yesterday. It's lovely when an entire bank lets your 19 month old take over, throwing balls, taking swivel chair rides, having his mom spin him around then make him walk, all to the delight of the employees and patrons.

Right Now? Jax is eating the felt bits from the make-it-yourself photo ornament I'm supposed to crafting forRyan's teacher.

I should probably go.

Happy Birthday ...and other stuff

Happy(Late)Birthday Shawn! Welcome to my hell, otherwise known as the last year of your youth. Fun, no?

His mom took us, Lalo and Jeff to PF Chang's for a celebration -- we totally felt like 15 year olds ("Thanks for dinner, Ms. York!"). Ryan was soo excited to finally get to wear the pretty pretty princess dress Menana and Lea got her for Christmas, but apparently, it's very very ITCHY, so not only was her mood foul, resulting in us stripping her half-naked at the table, using her jacket as a top, but now I don't think I'll be able to get her into it for Christmas. Hope they didn't spend too much on it. At Neiman Marcus.

Jaxson sucked all of our energy out and used it to hurl himself at the doors while we waited for our table, following up with a great drum solo using everyone's chopsticks.

Lalo and Jeff got Shawn a mega bottle of Seven, so I'll have to remember to send them a thank you card when I'm wiping up the barf that always follows Shawn and Seven.

Now for the Other Stuff:

We took the kids to Sam's yesterday, where I taught them to yell "Shawn" really loud, since I couldn't find him, and Jax got reprimanded by a really old curmudgeony (?) man, one of those moments where I'm laughing at old people humor, because I think the man is just teasingly upset, but then he just keeps going to the point that you realize he really is an old fartbag, causing Shawn to interrupt his tirade, instructing Jax to just keep yelling as long and loud as he wants. Nobody verbally abuses our kids in public but us. Remember that.

I was just glad Jax was yelling the word Shawn instead of "Father", which he pronounces "Fucker". Although it does endear him to me even more.

Ryan came home from school last week telling me that a little girl in her class told her to sniff her butt, so she did. Then Ryan told the little girl to sniff her butt, and apparently no one stopped them. God Bless Catholic school.

Ryan was chasing Jax the other day, yelling "You are gonna be so mad at yourself when I get ahold of you!!" I still don't know what it was he did to her, but secretly? I hope he does it again. That shit was funny.

Anyway, Jax is waiting for me to play -- here's what we've been doing so far this morning.

OOH!! I almost forgot the remodeling pics. You're welcome, Lea. I know how you love stupid shit like this. Merry Christmas, from your Secret Santa.

Long Time No See

So, in case you haven't heard (although judging by your knowledge of the existence of this blog, I'm pretty sure you have), I got screwed by Blogger/Google. They'd been nagging me to switch to the new beta version, ensuring me that it would be newer, better, and whiter with just a couple of clicks. Everything would basically remain the same, but with 5.1 megapixel HD Soy goodness. Or something.

I switched. I switched, and now you are reading chunkyrhino via my other, more personal blog (personal as in just about Amy, not personal- dear diary- thoughts. I don't have those, and if I did, they wouldn't be anything I hadn't already written about on chunkyrhino. Here, I just cuss more and don't talk as much about the kids.

Things have been rocky at our house lately. It's all very,If Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy.

Chalk it up to long hours, holiday dieting, the "wretched,horrible,why- wasn't-I-told?"-four's, and an amazingly adorable little boy who is damn lucky that he's cute, because otherwise he would packing his bags by now.

It's just been tantrums, pouting, screaming, kicking...and that was just me.

We trimmed the tree last night; I had been all set and ready to have a warm Martha Stewart holiday evening, so of course, Jax threw a fit, the camera's battery died as we were trying to take Christmas card pics, and Shawn fell asleep. Badumbum.

I re-did some of the rooms. Took doors off of closets, cleared the kids playroom, added kitchens, tables, dressers and vanities. I'm sure none of you care, but I had fun. I might even post pics -- just to piss Lea Ann off.

Jaxson has discovered his funny bone, favoring the hats/glasses bit. He demands you look at him wearing glasses/ sunglasses, fire chief's hats, tiaras, purses... I was all beaming with pride, thinking something from me had finally shown through in Jaxson, when Shawn decided to inform me that he did the exact same thing as a toddler.

Naturally.

Ryan will be getting her driver's license soon. Apparently, her 15-yr-old self has come to visit us like Scrooge's Ghost of the Future -- and, Bob Crachet, the future BLOWS.

She's still a sweetheart that loves to love (and be loved), but she's just less likely to, ummmm, obey.

She flat-out refuses to do what she doesn't want to do. Just spurts "No" to my face like I was Harry Potter (who, by the way, she would NEVER say "No" to, but you get the idea). So the fits and fights have been hectic, grounding Ryan for the week from any playdates, and not letting her go to her friend's birthday party. The wails were monumental, and the "I don't love you, I want to leave" screams hearken back to memories from my teenage years. I hate this age. I want to be 5.

Along with hamming it up, Jax has become increasingly needy over the past few days. I don't know if he's teething or what, but it has become a huge ordeal. He has spurts where he won't even go with Shawn or Ryan, which is pretty inconvenient as I'm frying bacon. (But the snuggly, hug-on-mommy moments are pretty cool.)

Other than that, Shawn and I aren't speaking right now. Something about me being a bitch.

He's right, but I like to hold my ground a few days, just to get some pent-up emotion out.

You know what I mean.

Five years, and we haven't murdered each other yet

That's right. Five years ago today, Shawn and I nauseously made our way up the steps of City Hall, me because of the bun in the oven, him because, well, you know...

I was so pissed off at having to get married in a courthouse. On a Tuesday. By some random judge. It was mortifying for me at the time, so below what I expected my wedding to be like. I cried the entire time we were awaiting our turn, causing my Mom to whisper, "If you don't want to go through with this, you don't have to."

Rolling my eyes, I let out the most resentful sigh, declaring, "I'm not crying because of that. I'm crying because I'm GETTING MARRIED IN A COURTHOUSE."

And then I saw them. The couple ahead of us, black man, white woman, beaming and nervous, and getting married in front of no one, other than our motley crew. They had no friends or family there, and when I looked over at my Dad, I saw that he was videotaping the ceremony. I guess he felt someone should document it, should be proud for them and their special moment.

Right then I sucked up my spoiled tears and focused on this couple, here not because their parents forced them to do it, but because they chose to be. Who knows why they chose this route, but here they were, taking this step together in front of strangers with videocameras. And they couldn't have been happier.

And so I took my grocery store bouquet, purchased by my Mom (and now framed and displayed proudly), held my soon-to-be-husband's hand, and we clapped for the new couple as they made their way out of the room. I stopped feeling sorry for myself (if only for a minute) and felt love in the way my entire family was there with Shawn's mom, cameras and all, and I became Mrs. Shawn York.

And I love that our story just keeps getting better, and I love that it was different and unorthodox and I love that it is ours.

And I hope that other couple is happy and proud and celebrating. And if they're out there, I've got a video they need to see.

Right on the Mark

Overheard in a conversation between my Dad and my Sis:

Dad: "You have to understand, Amy only has 2 modes-- Very Happy or Very Bitchy. She's like me, you either love her or you hate her."

Who knew my Dad was so insightful?

A Google of Geeks

You can learn a lot by viewing someone's Google History. Wanna see ours? C'mon, you know you do...

astros logo
Augusta pictures
austin city limits
austin neurologists
baked lays
bird flu
chocolatecakesandmore.com
central market
cofee mate
coffe mate
coffee mate
fat girls
golf channel
gruene hall
houston astros
Lean Cuisine
love languages
minute maid park pictures
nordstroms
nutri grain
pat green
phoenix az
quaker oatmeal
robert horry
shiner beerf

Thank you. We're here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.

Lea Ann is her name, Bitchy is her game

So lil sis lea lea is 27 today. Right about now is the time I used to think about as a teenager when people would always say that she looked older, and I'd of course retort that that was fine by me, wait till we're older when it really matters.

And that time is now. How ya like them apples, baby?

I'm sure she's pimpin' it up in Phoenix right now, drinking too much, talking too much, and having just the right amount of fun for a 3-yrs-till-30 birthday.

I still remember as a little kid waiting for her to come home from the hospital after one of her eye surgeries, and sitting by her bed, crying because I was sooo worried that she wasn't gonna be okay.

She, naturally, does not remember this. She, naturally, remembers the time I threw her into the coffee table; the time I slapped her in the middle of the school cafeteria; the time I bounced the rent check in college.

I, naturally, choose not to remember any of that.

I miss her. And her restaurant comp card.

Come home Wee Wee, come home!!!