Go Elf Yourself

Meet the Elf Family:

Mommy Elf

Daddy Elf

Ryan Elf

Jaxson Elf

Have an Elfin' good day!

I just needed to move that picture below the fold...

That was Amy up late. With beer.

Got lots of new books today, and all I want for Christmas is time to read them!!!

Not that any of you care, but here are some of the titles I'm planning on getting to.

Ines of My Soul

The Brambles

Jane Eyre

One Mississippi

The Lady and the Unicorn

Wish me luck!!!

Aahhhh...Back to Normal(?)

My sister has been invited to attend Sandra Bullock's NYE party this year. The other one is wary about her new guy because she's never seen him without a hat on. Both her ex's now make a habit of visiting the other sis at work.

And then there's me:

Life's just funny that way.

Home Sweet Home

That's right -- chunkyrhino is back!! C'mon over and give us a kiss.

*UPDATE* My Bad -- I messed up the URL. The link should work now.

Warning: I'm bringing the nasty.

Jax just had a massive diaper explosion (you know, from the Benadryl/Maalox combo he's on due to the recurring herpangina. I would backlink you to it, but Blogger still hasn't done shit about chunkyrhino.

I digress.

So he's sitting in his chevy and his pants are feelin' heavy, and Shawn and I have been sitting here for 20 minutes, looking back and forth at each other, both refusing to get up.

Except now some just got on the couch, so I gotta run.

Of course there was

Just went to light the fire and found an old piece of toast sitting in the ashes.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Seen & Heard

Ryan, to Menana last night while on the phone: "Menana? Could you hang up on me now and I'll call you tomorrow?" In other words? I'm done with you, bye!

Took Jax to visit Nin at her bank yesterday. It's lovely when an entire bank lets your 19 month old take over, throwing balls, taking swivel chair rides, having his mom spin him around then make him walk, all to the delight of the employees and patrons.

Right Now? Jax is eating the felt bits from the make-it-yourself photo ornament I'm supposed to crafting forRyan's teacher.

I should probably go.

Happy Birthday ...and other stuff

Happy(Late)Birthday Shawn! Welcome to my hell, otherwise known as the last year of your youth. Fun, no?

His mom took us, Lalo and Jeff to PF Chang's for a celebration -- we totally felt like 15 year olds ("Thanks for dinner, Ms. York!"). Ryan was soo excited to finally get to wear the pretty pretty princess dress Menana and Lea got her for Christmas, but apparently, it's very very ITCHY, so not only was her mood foul, resulting in us stripping her half-naked at the table, using her jacket as a top, but now I don't think I'll be able to get her into it for Christmas. Hope they didn't spend too much on it. At Neiman Marcus.

Jaxson sucked all of our energy out and used it to hurl himself at the doors while we waited for our table, following up with a great drum solo using everyone's chopsticks.

Lalo and Jeff got Shawn a mega bottle of Seven, so I'll have to remember to send them a thank you card when I'm wiping up the barf that always follows Shawn and Seven.

Now for the Other Stuff:

We took the kids to Sam's yesterday, where I taught them to yell "Shawn" really loud, since I couldn't find him, and Jax got reprimanded by a really old curmudgeony (?) man, one of those moments where I'm laughing at old people humor, because I think the man is just teasingly upset, but then he just keeps going to the point that you realize he really is an old fartbag, causing Shawn to interrupt his tirade, instructing Jax to just keep yelling as long and loud as he wants. Nobody verbally abuses our kids in public but us. Remember that.

I was just glad Jax was yelling the word Shawn instead of "Father", which he pronounces "Fucker". Although it does endear him to me even more.

Ryan came home from school last week telling me that a little girl in her class told her to sniff her butt, so she did. Then Ryan told the little girl to sniff her butt, and apparently no one stopped them. God Bless Catholic school.

Ryan was chasing Jax the other day, yelling "You are gonna be so mad at yourself when I get ahold of you!!" I still don't know what it was he did to her, but secretly? I hope he does it again. That shit was funny.

Anyway, Jax is waiting for me to play -- here's what we've been doing so far this morning.

OOH!! I almost forgot the remodeling pics. You're welcome, Lea. I know how you love stupid shit like this. Merry Christmas, from your Secret Santa.

Long Time No See

So, in case you haven't heard (although judging by your knowledge of the existence of this blog, I'm pretty sure you have), I got screwed by Blogger/Google. They'd been nagging me to switch to the new beta version, ensuring me that it would be newer, better, and whiter with just a couple of clicks. Everything would basically remain the same, but with 5.1 megapixel HD Soy goodness. Or something.

I switched. I switched, and now you are reading chunkyrhino via my other, more personal blog (personal as in just about Amy, not personal- dear diary- thoughts. I don't have those, and if I did, they wouldn't be anything I hadn't already written about on chunkyrhino. Here, I just cuss more and don't talk as much about the kids.

Things have been rocky at our house lately. It's all very,If Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy.

Chalk it up to long hours, holiday dieting, the "wretched,horrible,why- wasn't-I-told?"-four's, and an amazingly adorable little boy who is damn lucky that he's cute, because otherwise he would packing his bags by now.

It's just been tantrums, pouting, screaming, kicking...and that was just me.

We trimmed the tree last night; I had been all set and ready to have a warm Martha Stewart holiday evening, so of course, Jax threw a fit, the camera's battery died as we were trying to take Christmas card pics, and Shawn fell asleep. Badumbum.

I re-did some of the rooms. Took doors off of closets, cleared the kids playroom, added kitchens, tables, dressers and vanities. I'm sure none of you care, but I had fun. I might even post pics -- just to piss Lea Ann off.

Jaxson has discovered his funny bone, favoring the hats/glasses bit. He demands you look at him wearing glasses/ sunglasses, fire chief's hats, tiaras, purses... I was all beaming with pride, thinking something from me had finally shown through in Jaxson, when Shawn decided to inform me that he did the exact same thing as a toddler.

Naturally.

Ryan will be getting her driver's license soon. Apparently, her 15-yr-old self has come to visit us like Scrooge's Ghost of the Future -- and, Bob Crachet, the future BLOWS.

She's still a sweetheart that loves to love (and be loved), but she's just less likely to, ummmm, obey.

She flat-out refuses to do what she doesn't want to do. Just spurts "No" to my face like I was Harry Potter (who, by the way, she would NEVER say "No" to, but you get the idea). So the fits and fights have been hectic, grounding Ryan for the week from any playdates, and not letting her go to her friend's birthday party. The wails were monumental, and the "I don't love you, I want to leave" screams hearken back to memories from my teenage years. I hate this age. I want to be 5.

Along with hamming it up, Jax has become increasingly needy over the past few days. I don't know if he's teething or what, but it has become a huge ordeal. He has spurts where he won't even go with Shawn or Ryan, which is pretty inconvenient as I'm frying bacon. (But the snuggly, hug-on-mommy moments are pretty cool.)

Other than that, Shawn and I aren't speaking right now. Something about me being a bitch.

He's right, but I like to hold my ground a few days, just to get some pent-up emotion out.

You know what I mean.