I Must've Been Absent That Day...

I just read an article on the Top 10 Careers for Aries, and apparently I totally missed my calling...or did I?

I bet I can find aspects from each of these jobs combined in the role of MOTHER. Don't think so? Read on, read on:

1. Olympic Athlete -- while Stay-At-Home-Mothering may not qualify as an actual Olympic Event (though if Trampolining can be counted, where do we draw the line?), many of the requirements they list fit perfectly into my current job description --
a. Dogged Determination: Potty Training, anyone?
b. Long hours, stress, injuries, early rising: I woke up yesterday at 6 am, went to bed last night around 11:30, then was awakened at 3:40 by two screaming kids; stress doesn't begin to describe all day everyday surrounded by two mpatient needy little beings; you squeeze 2 7- pound babies through your vagina, then talk to me about injuries; early riser? I refer you to my first example.
2. Personal Trainer -- although I take HUGE exception to the fact that they describe us Aries as "obnoxious" (choke on it, folks), I again have found many of the qualities needed to succeed in this field the same qualities needed to be a SAHM:
a. pushy and bossy -- umm, check! No matter how many times Ry tries to insist that I am "not the boss" of her.
b. love of competitiveness -- My kid's closests are full of Gymboree, Gap, and Ralph Lauren. Don't tell me you can't smell the whiff of competition there!
3. Bouncer -- I am laughing so hard, I can hardly type.
a. Breaking up fights -- thanks to the addition of Jax, this has become my new favorite pasttime.
b. Looking Impenetrable -- Just last night I spent 30 minutes blocking the doorway to Ryan's room in an effort to get her to get back in bed. I define "impenetrable".
c. "Aries affinity for really loud music and boisterous patrons will come in handy" -- click here.
4. Prison Warden -- "When faced with a riot, they are not daunted, and a rush of adrenaline takes over. They may have to watch their blood pressure and take anger management courses." Have I mentioned my Prozac prescription lately???
5. Drill Sergeant -- A position of "complete power". There may be some argument in regards to this one, but let's just the recall the age-old saying, "If Mama ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy."
6. Stunt Person -- I'm just going to quote the first sentence in this job description requirement, and move right along: "This job requires a realy crazy person to sign up." There. No explanation needed.
7. Prize Fighter -- Agile, Powerful, Shrewd. Have I ever told you about the time it took 4 grown adults (Myself, Shawn, my Mom and my Dad) to hold Ryan down and remove a splinter from her foot? She was 2. When agility and power can't get the job done, count on the shrew in me to garner any help necessary to tame the beast. Just call me Kate.
8. Fire Chief -- "they have to be sharp, decisive, and able to respond to conditions quickly": It's called IMPROVISATION. A degree in Theatre Arts really should be a pre-req for any SAHM. Luckily, I already got me one of those.
9. Mercenary Soldier -- Okay, I'm rolling now. Tears streaming, knee-slapping, doubled over with laughter.
a. "toughness of mind": As I write this, I'm also balancing my checkbook, mediating bewteen the kids, and folding laundry. Score one for mental toughness.
b. "lack of need for personal safety": If you've ever unbuckled your front-passenger seat belt, crawled into the backseat of the 70 mph moving family car to feed, fetch, or force, you understand.
c. "ability to cope with lack of creature comforts": It's been 2 days since I've showered, and trust me, it's not for lack of want (or need).
10. High School Coach-- Need I remind you of my stint as a Middle School Teacher/Coach? And since when is the task of "forming young minds and bodies" limited strictly to High School? If that's not what I'm doing now, then why the hell am I here??

So maybe you agree with me, maybe you don't. Either way, the top position they definitely missed out on is the one I'm fortunate enough to hold, and lucky for me, the job security on this one is good for at least 18 more years.